so i painted myself scarlet
red / walked to you on limpid legs, shaky knees,
shivering where you cut
bleeding out in secret / in secrecy
i held the parts unpretty.
the way i split & spread
something black & beautiful on white sheets / unblooming, anti-growth,
anti-all-you’ve-ever-known / and
if you close your eyes it doesn’t seem so different. if you close your
mouth around me i don’t taste
of something coloured. if you
don’t see my colour
you don’t see me / if you put a hand over my mouth you forget i talk black girl speak
– with a little more lip
and a little less teeth –
he’s holding me
silence in the hollows of his cheeks
but i hear it loud, hear it clear:
ebony only looks this pretty
when it stays where it belongs
& between me.
– exotica erotica | t.b ; @raggedhearts
important context alert: this is something I wrote after listening to “Your Best American Girl”, by the incredibly talented mitski (an Asian American singer, and one i’d recommend to anyone with a passing interest in good music)!!
it prompted a l o t of thinking on the song’s meaning – on the experiences of people of colour (specifically, black people, here) in interracial relationships, with white partners. i wanted to explore some of the emotional effects that has on them – trying to conform to the limitations and inherent eroticism of the white view of non-white bodies; how that pushes the black/etc. partner to be something they never can be, but strain to be, even as it pains them to do so.
i’d love to know what you think of this – this is, topic-wise, very different from anything i’ve posted on here yet, so far, and complex in itself.